texting

When I text somebody and they don't text me back, I am going to start telling myself that they were just so excited I texted them, that they fainted....

what i saw!!!

OMG guess what I saw today?!

.......Everything I looked at.

Hehe.

zombies

I think that if Zombies invaded our earth, looking for brain, they would just end up walking past almost everybody and wither to nothingness from starvation because this worlds full of dumb asses.

weather updates

I know that sometimes I'm not the brightest person in the world buttttt I'm pretty positive that in Canada, snow is something we get EVERY single winter so people on Facebook, shut up about it. If you have lived here all your life, it shouldn't be a surprise. If you are truly shocked that it's snowing in winter, (after 20+ years of being on this earth) then there MUST be something wrong with you and THAT is the bigger issue here. Not the snow.

robbery

I think that most people would freak out if they were to get robbed... At knife point. Now, I'm not sure if this plan would work for everybody or just if I were the robber because sometimes I'm an idiot. Anyways, here is my diolog of how I think a knife robbery which included me, would go.

Robber: Give me all your money! *holding knife*

Me: Oh! Okay! Here, take it all... Woah, wait that's an amazing knife. I'll trade you all my money for it?

Robber: Okay, here you go. *hands over knife after I hand over money*

Me: Mwahahah, bitch! Gimme all yo money! 

I'd just flip the role and rob him my money back... Or just huddle in a ball on the ground, in tears. 

Either or.

life goals

So, I already have completed one life goal.. Which was to crack an egg and have it have not one, but TWO yolks inside. 

My new goal?

Go in to a bank wearing a ski mask, make a normal transaction and proceed to walk out as if nothing happened.

What would they do? It's not illegal to wear ski masks, is it? I'm just trying to keep my cheeks warm from all the ice cold souls of the people in the bank... Because I hate people.

naps

Gosh, I'm so tired.. But taking "naps" sounds so childish. Soooo, I shall start to call them "horizontal life pauses."

Don't tell me I'm  not doing anything with my life. I'm pausing for a moment. After all, good things come to those who wait, right? Therefore, procrastination on daily activities must be a virtue.  

bad taste

If you don't find me amazing, I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't reflect poorly on me but instead, means you have bad taste.

True story.

omfg shut up

"i luv u bb gurl u r mi lief"

SERIOUSLY? That is probably one of the most romantic Facebook statuses I have yet to see. Now please, learn to spell or shut the fuck up.

Drug dealers

Thought of the day:

If people say that weed is not a drug, that it's actually a plant... Then wouldn't that not make them drug dealers, but florists instead? ..Because drug dealers act like hotshot gangsters and if what they're saying, makes them what I think it makes them, they sound like sweet little custard filled fruitcakes.